In limbo: my life as a recent graduate (vol. 2)

 Life is apparently a series of cycles and so I find myself in a very similar situation to this same time last year (minus the global pandemic, of course). Autumn always seems to be an uncertain and anxiety-inducing time for me. I think this is because my life is always changing at this time of year: either the start of a new academic year when I was still a student or time to figure out what to do with myself since graduating. I’ve been silent on the blog for a while but, believe me, not much has been going on in my life since I came back home and I haven’t been inspired to write about other topics either... However, I still thought it would be nice to post a little round-up entry at the end of 2020, which I think we can all agree has been a dreadful year.

CAREER

Lately I’ve been thinking about how we all tend to define ourselves by the job we have or the career path we have chosen, despite being much more than that. “I’m a teacher”. “I’m an accountant”. “I’m a police officer”. I have been finding it hard to feel content over the past few months because I’m again in a sort of limbo. I’m trying to get things moving onto the next step in my career but it has not easy (especially during a global pandemic and looming financial crisis), so I’m in a funk.

I’m happy to say I passed CAST Translators, so I can now be hired as a contract agent either as Proofreader or Translator at the EU, which is now the goal. I had a couple of interviews for different posts at the institutions. Some of those fell through but I’m still waiting on another one. The recruitment process has been going on since August now and the lack of information regarding deadlines has made me super anxious and frustrated, but I do hope by early next year everything will finally be sorted *knocks on wood*

Of course, I’ve also been job hunting in general but I’m giving myself some time while I wait on the EU recruitment process since that’s the option that is more aligned with my long‑term goals. I’ve been applying to yet more traineeships and trying to focus on my CPD while I wait instead. I’ve completed a few different courses since September, including some online courses on Adobe InDesign, Digital Marketing or Data Protection, which have been quite interesting.

I’ve also begun German classes again. I’m having a weekly one‑to‑one class and I’ve made quite a lot of progress. If you didn’t know, I took German after‑school classes for a year in 2012 and then stopped. Although I tried to pick it back up again at University, I couldn’t figure out what the right level for me was, as I wasn’t a complete beginner but also not advanced enough since it had been years since I’d last done any German… After around two months of classes, I’ve now managed to finish A2 and I am starting B1! Ich bin sehr glücklich!

ROUTINE AND MENTAL HEALTH

In terms of mental health I’ve been all over the place. The long wait and not‑knowing in this recruitment process has had its toll on me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been struggling this year. However, I’ve been really trying to stick to a routine since I’ve found that when I let myself slack, my mood gets a lot worse.

Having the CPD courses and German has given me something to work on in the morning and I’ve been making an effort to get up early. I’ve now come up with a daily routine that works for me right now. I start by waking up at 8 (I want to make that 7, but so far 8 is good enough). I then go out on a morning walk along the coastline, not listening to any music or podcasts, just alone with my thoughts. It’s quite therapeutic actually. Weather has been good but I have had to walk under the rain a couple of times… Then I take a shower, brew myself a cuppa and sit down to journal. I wrote about this a few months back, but I’ve been following the daily prompts by @joclub_ on Instagram and those are still going strong. Writing is also a good way to vent when I start feeling anxious. Then I start working on whatever I have on my to-do list that day: German homework, a course, some errands or emails I have to send. I work until lunchtime and sometimes into the afternoon, but this routine means I get to have evenings off.

I’m trying to enjoy this “freedom” but I feel that it’s constantly clouded by the uncertainty surrounding my future. Meditating has helped and, like I said, so has journaling. 2020 has certainly been a hard year and I know I am not alone on this. I wish I could volunteer at Red Cross again or meet up with friends more often, but I need to be careful as I’m living back with my parents who are vulnerable, so I spend a lot of time at home instead. That’s a big difference from last year’s slump. I have had my highs and lows for sure.

I’ve taken up reading again as well, which I am currently loving. I used to read so much when I was in school and high school, but I fell off the bandwagon at University when I had to read so many academic journals that reading became a chore. I’ve now been going through some of the books I’d been intending to read for a really long time. Some of my favourites have been Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer, Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens and Essentialism by Greg McKeown. I’m currently reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and I’m making my way through the Harry Potter books which I never read as a kid and I must say I’m really enjoying them ( good escapism?). If you have any book recommendations, let me know! I have a long list of books waiting to be read, but I just keep adding more…

Lately I’ve also been toying with the idea of doing a digital detox and avoiding social media for some time. I’d like to incorporate this into my life since I’ve found myself scrolling aimlessly and wasting time, especially since I haven’t been as busy lately. I’ve noticed it’s also affected my attention span and I really want to prevent that. I might try no social media over the weekend and see how that goes… If anybody has any experience or tips on digital detoxing, I’d be interested to know!

The Prix Liberté 2020 Ceremony took place in October and although I was not able to attend, I watched live as Loujain Al-Hathloul's sisters received the prize on her behalf!

GRATITUDE

Finally, I wanted to try to end this post on a high. We all know 2020 has been tough and, although I do hope 2021 will be better, things will not be significantly changing anytime soon and we have to accept that.

I wanted to look back on my 2020, at a personal level, and list the things that have been positive or that I am grateful for. Here we go:

• In February 2020 I went to France to be part of the Prix Liberté 2020 international panel, which was a great experience. I wrote about it on the blog, which you can find here: https://gathering-smithereens.blogspot.com/2020/02/prix-liberte-2020.html
• I moved to Luxembourg to do a Schuman Traineeship at the European Parliament as a Trainee Translator between March and July 2020! It was certainly not what I expected, but I had worked really hard towards this opportunity. Most of my experience was unfortunately telework as the pandemic hit, but I learnt a lot and made good friends. Although I wish some things would have been different, I don’t regret doing it.
• I was General Coordinator of the Schuman Trainees’ Committee. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to run for the STC, but I thought I might as well give it a go since it would be my only chance. I was elected and ended up being a lot busier than I had anticipated, as I fought for trainees’ interests throughout our Covid-19 traineeship. I do love helping others and I think this experience was very enriching, despite all the obstacles we had to face as STC!
• I started journaling daily and meditating often, which has been really helpful for my mental health.
• I sat and passed CAST Proofreader and CAST Translator, both important steps towards achieving my career goals. I also did a few interviews, all of which taught me a lot about myself and had promising outcomes despite not being the selected candidate in the end.
• I’ve had time to rediscover my love for reading and I plan to continue reading for pleasure in the future.
•  Ich lerne Deutsch noch einmal!
• Since I’ve been home, I’ve had more time to be creative again. I’ve been taking online vocal lessons and I dusted off my flute again. I’ve also made a few pieces of clothing from scratch using my sewing machine and upcycled many others. I’ve done a bit of embroidery and worked with clay and watercolours from time to time.
• I enjoyed time‑off with my family after being away from them for 5 months during the first months of the outbreak and fortunately all my family has been safe and healthy.
• It’s been a full year since I went vegetarian and I’m slowly moving towards a more vegan diet as well. I’m really proud of this and I think it’s important for the planet.
• I chopped off my hair after a long time debating it and it’s been great!
• I’ve been learning a lot about dealing with mental health and the importance of having a routine and exercising. I have been enjoying being able to go out for some fresh air by the sea, despite having to wear a mask. Spending the winter months nearer the Equator hasn’t been too bad either.
• The first step towards change and improvement is recognising the problem, which is something I’ve been working on. I’m thankful that this year has brought so much time to reflect on our priorities and what actually matters in life.

I wish you all happy holidays. I hope you are healthy and stay strong, especially if you cannot be with your loved ones at this time. This too shall pass.

See you next year,

Zoe

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